Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Second Amendment and other Freedoms

I get very tired of hearing about the second amendment and the freedom to bear arms.  Everyone has their guns, and I doubt anyone is coming for them.  I am sick of hearing about putting religion back in the schools. What about freedom of religion?  That includes freedom from religion as far as I am concerned. Jesus is not the answer to every problem. Seeing the carnage that occurred in Connecticut just reinforces my opinion that there is no God.  Science doesn't support it, and neither do a lot of events.

Arm the veterans and put them in the schools to protect them?  I don't think so.  My father was a veteran. I wouldn't have armed him and put him in a school. We had guns at home.  I saw him put a gun to my mother's head many times and threaten to shoot her.  Everyone always thought my dad was a good person.  You don't know anyone well enough to say let's arm the veterans, let's arm the schoolteachers and principals and let's arm the cafeteria workers.  I don't know the answer to this dilemma, but I do know it's not more guns.  Every gun is a chance for another "accidental" shooting.  Is that what you want in the classroom?  Hell, arm the kids.  We'll be just as safe.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


When election time rolls around I never fail to find something amazing at every turn.  This year, my amazement goes back and forth between two things -- the gullibility of anyone who would vote for Romney and the chameleon like changes he makes every time he feels something else would be more advantageous.

I am so glad that my children are old now and I don't have to explain how someone in such an elevated position can change their story - lie - whenever it suits them. How would I do that? I'm having trouble figuring it out myself in my 64 year old mind.

But even worse, it seems like everyone sort of glosses over it, like they expect it from him or something. Then, they explain it in some twisted manipulation of the language to show that that's not what he really said. I am at a loss. Are the American public really that stupid? Do they really believe him?  Do they think they can believe him if he gets in office? Or am I in some alternate universe and none of this is real?  I sure hope so.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Scattered thoughts, Columbus, Death, and Arizona

First of all, happy Columbus Day -- or Happy F*** the Indians Day, whichever you prefer. We should not celebrate this as a national holiday.  Maybe a day of mourning????

Back in Arizona with the radical right wing crazies and the preppers.  I love it here, though.  I love the desert, the rocks and the mountains.  I don't care who lives here -- I am tolerant of everyone.  The only person I am probably not tolerant of is myself.

Once again, I am dissatisfied with myself.  I have 30 things I want to do --- okay maybe that is an exaggeration -- probably 10 or 12 --and I can't even focus to get to one of them.  I have to narrow this list down so that I am not spreading myself so thin.  But with age catching up to me, I always think, wow it's now or never -- and I realize I may never get to do all of the things I want.

Since I quit believing in the afterlife, death hasn't scared me.  And it still doesn't.  What scares me is not being able to finish everything I want to do.  Am I selfish to think I should get to do these things? I still want to learn, to teach and to use my hands to create.  I wish I had studied art.

How old was Grandma Moses when she started painting?


Monday, September 3, 2012

Loss and being Human

The first time I realized that I was actually human and capable of those feelings I was 19 and lost a boyfriend that I thought I needed or would die. When the breakup happened I really did hurt so bad that I wanted to die. Up until that time I had developed a skin that would not let me need someone.  Would not let me care. That was developed because of a mentally abusive father who left me with control issues.

Looking back, I can see that basically I was really upset and hurt that I couldn't control that situation.  The reason we broke up was beyond my control. It was religion.  I had met an immovable object for this guy. I wasn't as much upset that I lost him, but that I couldn't control him and the situation.

I have hit another one of those situations. And this one really makes me hurt. I hurt to the very tips of my toes. And it has nothing to do with control.

Having dogs put down has always been my job in the family.  The hard-hearted person.  And I have always had them put down for health reasons and therefore I knew I was doing the better thing and would get over it easily.  

This thing, though, I can't get over.  My little yorkie, TJ "Fuzzy", was hit by a car this week here in the campground where we live. It was hit and run, the guy didn't have the decency to stop and tell me about my beloved little boy.

When I wake up in the morning I miss his morning greeting and cuddle. I miss his yapping little voice when he wants to play or hears a noise, any noise, outside. I miss seeing him come on the deck sopping wet where he has been in our fountain water feature in the backyard. I miss his little head peeking in the window and his tapping on the window when he is ready to come in.  He was always at my feet, even in the bathroom and had to be in there most of the time with me, even when I was taking a shower. I even miss his eagerness to have a morsel of my food when I am eating. 

I have a beagle mix left, but it isn't the same. Penny doesn't like to cuddle and doesn't climb easily up onto my lap or into my arms. She doesn't fit in the fountain, she doesn't like to be babied. If Penny somehow gets out of the door without her chain, she is gone until nightfall or too tired to keep hunting, whichever comes first.

TJ gave me four years of happiness and unconditional love and was willing to give so much more. . .

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Six of one, half dozen of the other

What do you do when you are tired of everything? You have to change your life, and you have to change it from the inside out. I have done it so many times, you would think it would come easy after a while. BUT, being my age and trying to do it is a whole new ball game. I have found that I can still do it, but it sure does take a lot longer to get it done. Well, it's that way with everything. I can do it all, it just takes longer. And I'll admit I think things over a whole lot more before I start into a big project like this.

Maybe this will be the last time I have to change, or adjust, my life. Maybe I will get it right this time. I found throughout life that if I pretend to be some way or the other, it is just as good as being and no one knows the difference. And eventually I'm not acting any more. It has served me well through three marriages and gazillions of jobs. I am hoping it serves me well this one last time.
There are some things I will not pretend about, or compromise on. Politics and religion and my love for my family are at the top of that list. But to get through the trying times I will pretend that I am happy with my lot in life and satisfied with the things that are happening in it. I will pretend that I can handle all of it and that I love doing it.

And eventually even I won't know the difference.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Don't want to be THAT PERSON!!!

I have never considered myself a hater. I pride myself on being able to get along with everyone, no matter what the situation is. I have never had problems at work, and refuse to have problems in my family relationships as well. And that is the way I brought up my children.

Now, at age 62, I find myself becoming less flexible. I have become a "hater". I used to be able to tolerate differing viewpoints from mine, and smile and go on about my business. But I have hit a wall. With the Republican party and Tea Party agenda, I have lost my sense of humor. And I think it is mainly because I don't like to see people treated unfairly, or struggle. The Republican/Tea Party agenda shows them to be white rascists, determined to undermine women's rights, and bulldoze their way through the benefits for the poor and those unable to help themselves.

It is amazing to me that not everyone sees this. Are they so blinded by religion and conservatism that they can't see that they are probably next on the hit list. There is always going to be someone on the top and someone on the bottom. When the Rep/TP finish with the middle class, where do all of those people think they will be? If The Donald hasn't been to your house for dinner, I don't think that will put you at the top.

Who do they think will be running the country, and how do they think this country will look? It's worth a thought. No matter who you are or what you believe.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Okay. I know I have to go back to the "mountain" and I'm just not feelin it.